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Gossip people
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| Zuzu | Date: Sunday, 13.11.2011, 13:17 | Message # 1 |
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| Why do people gossip? Why do they talk behind smb’s back? Why can’t they say everything to the face of their enemies or maybe even friends? I know many people who behave like that. Perhaps, they are afraid to quarrel, perhaps, they are afraid to spoil their reputation. I am speaking about it because such kinds of people surround me too as well. That worries me much. I am not fond of making enemies, on the contrary, I am very easy to please. I do good for people for no special reason, because they are close and dear to me. I just want to help them when they are in a complicated situation. Do you know what all my kindness turns out to be? They don’t even say ”thank you”. All I ask is to be grateful to me, that’s all. When I learn that they talk behind my back, I am not glad, I am upset, I am disappointed. As a matter of fact, nowadays the more good you do, the more bad you get. It’s a bitter truth. People don’t value good treatment. They like flattery and sweet lies. That’s why, I help only my close friends besides my family and relatives. Somebody will think, I am mercenary. But that was enough. I don’t want people to be a burden to me. Do you agree with me or not? Why?
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| Teacher | Date: Monday, 14.11.2011, 04:06 | Message # 2 |
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| Gossips is a sign of people's lack of education. It's better for them discuss smb behind his back than to say smth to him. It also shows people's weakness. They're afraid of critisizing people overtly, because they're afraid of being critisized in return.
Quote (Zuzu) Do you know what all my kindness turns out to be? They don’t even say ”thank you”.
It seems that you do smth only to get gratefulness and laurel. I know that probably you are not so mercantile, but still. If you want to help, then just help, don't think about the consequences. Helping others you primarily help yourself to develop your own personality, to rear a human-being inside your body, to fill your heart with humanness and kindness.
Quote (Zuzu) I don’t want people to be a burden to me.
Don't you think that sometimes you can be a burden for smb.? And he/she doesn't even say any word to, but just tries to help you.
And there's no direct interrelation between gossips and help to people.
In Vino Veritas...
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| Zuzu | Date: Monday, 14.11.2011, 14:02 | Message # 3 |
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| Thank you for advice. I should pay less attention to gossip people because they are not educated.You are right. I don't wait for help in return. But imagine,if you were me, would it be pleasant not to hear at least "thank you"? I think, it wouldn't. Everyone wants some respect and good realtionship. Do you agree?
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| lovefootball) | Date: Monday, 14.11.2011, 19:46 | Message # 4 |
 Dean
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| Well, theoretically help is ABSOLUTELY unselfish and Christian love presupposes that it should be even self-denying...BUT! I do agree that it's most natural to expect respect, gratitude or at least normal humane treatment in return. What do we do then? If hermitage is not an appropriate way out, it's better to learn to select "proper" people for your surroundings and minimize back-slapping with others) Dignity, vigilance and certain distance - and we'll feel much more comfortable among reliable and responsive Friends.
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| Teacher | Date: Monday, 14.11.2011, 23:56 | Message # 5 |
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| Zuzu, of course, it's pleasant to hear "thank you". But that's not the point in this discussion.
Quote (Zuzu) Everyone wants some respect and good realtionship. Do you agree?
I agree, but not everyone is ready to do smth. to develop and maintain this very respect and good relationship.
Quote (lovefootball)) Well, theoretically help is ABSOLUTELY unselfish and Christian love presupposes that it should be even self-denying...
BTW, is it necessary to love somebody to help him? Or can we love somebody, but not help him/her? If we can, than in what cases?
In Vino Veritas...
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| Asya | Date: Wednesday, 16.11.2011, 01:17 | Message # 6 |
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| Quote (Zuzu) People don’t value good treatment.
I've noticed that some of your messages do sound critical. You just claim something that causes my (and not only my) inner protest. Just reread what you have written. Do you really think so? Or was it (hopefully) a sudden impulse?
Another thing is gossip. I will never believe if somebody tells me that he/she never gossips. Maybe the person doesn't call it gossip. But we do discuss what is happening to us and people who surround us. According to Dictionary.com gossip is "idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others". That's just a kind of an idle talk. And as far as I know people are really fond of idle talks. 
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| Teacher | Date: Wednesday, 16.11.2011, 02:22 | Message # 7 |
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| Quote (Asya) That's just a kind of an idle talk.
I should add that this is a negative kind of an idle talk, because gossip is based on people's negative attitude.
In Vino Veritas...
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| Zuzu | Date: Wednesday, 16.11.2011, 14:55 | Message # 8 |
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| I agree with Seagull. Asya,maybe you haven't met such people whom you helped and they talked behind your back at the same time. It's good,you are lucky that you have such a perfect surrounding. But mostly people are not grateful, moreover they begin to gossip because you helped them this way, not that.
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| Rina | Date: Wednesday, 16.11.2011, 22:29 | Message # 9 |
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| As Asya has mentioned, "gossiping" means just an idle talk. Sometimes it can be malicious, sometimes it gives birth to rumors, sometimes it can be smth we call "промывать косточки", but the essence remains the same - when you are talking about somebody with other people, when you are discussing somebody who isn't present you are gossiping. From this points of view, we all are gossip boys and girls))) Haven't you ever discussed you boyfriend/your groupmates/your teacher/parents/relatives/just strangers with your friends? I bet you have! I've done it! Seagull, you have done it! Asya, you have done it! We all have done it! ZUZU, WRITING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T APPRECIATE YOUR HELP, YOU ARE GOSSIPING TOO! The one who insists on being "gossip-free" is a LIAR!
As for being an object of malicious gossips and rumors... Hmm.. It's not so pleasant, but it's not the thing one should worry about. You know, you are nothing until you are talked about) You are not a dollar to be loved by everybody) Who knows more proverbs? I mean, there are always people who don't like you, who gossip about you. And do not try to regard them as uneducated people, please! It's just a lame excuse for those you are too weak to accept the fact of being criticized. If you don't respect your "enemies", respect yourself at least...
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| Asya | Date: Wednesday, 16.11.2011, 23:59 | Message # 10 |
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| Wow, I couldn't have said better!
Quote (Rina) The one who insists on being "gossip-free" is a LIAR!
That's exactly what I was talking about!
When I'm overwhelmed with anger or complete misunderstanding, I'm usually afraid of hurting people's feelings when arguing with them. Zuzu, I hope you don't get-offended. But! I consider your point of view to be lob-sided. As if everything were black and white. We are not teenagers any more. We shouldn't be driven to extremes or suffer from maximalism. We should have already overcome it.
You just sound like an offended child. "The boy gas ruined my sand castle! (whimpering) The world is so evil!" I suppose you are undergoing certain stress now due to some negative experience in interpersonal relations. It will be over. Just don't focus on it. Try to make your world colourful!
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| lovefootball) | Date: Friday, 25.11.2011, 21:17 | Message # 11 |
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Dean
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| Agree, everyone has to overcome it sooner or later. My first year of studies was hell psychologically, really! I was overwrought and couldn't stand that constant talks, gossips and hypocrisy. Now I try not to remember that damned (I'm very sorry)))) period but still it was extremely instructive! Now I can take things much easier and don't give up for lost those who are "fond" of possips or something like that. We should be flexible...)
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Monday, 28.11.2011, 09:26 | Message # 12 |
 Dean
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| Quote (Seagull) Gossips is a sign of people's lack of education.
I don't agree to the full. It's mostly a reflection of one's cultural patterns that condition behaviour, outlook, values and moral decisions.
On the one hand, gossips and rumours can make one disbalanced and disoriented.
On the other hand, gossipping is not bad because it's just a form of 'mass media'. This information is sometimes necessary to be able to understand who you are. It so, why not learn how to deal with gossip-based stories.
Finally, oftentimes gossips are born out of real life situations and are often just unpleasant facts rather than lies. Gossips are often provoked by a person who, no matter how, never cares about what other people say, think or believe in. It's not difficult to test it - analyse the cause of the gossips about you!
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| Asya | Date: Monday, 28.11.2011, 23:38 | Message # 13 |
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| Quote (Teacher) Finally, oftentimes gossips are born out of real life situations and are often just unpleasant facts rather than lies. Gossips are often provoked by a person who, no matter how, never cares about what other people say, think or believe in.
Gossips as unpleasant truth - that seems to be sensible. But sometimes, you just share your emotions with someone and he/she tells everybody about your ideas and reactions to this or that life situation. And that's extremely unpleasant to deal with consequences then. Chatterboxes should keep their mouths shut in order to to be gossiped about. 
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| lovefootball) | Date: Tuesday, 29.11.2011, 18:07 | Message # 14 |
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Dean
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| Well in such cases I tend to blame the one whose heart sings so loud that he/she can't help entrusting someone with secrets))) Sure, the result is disappointing but who asked you to open your mouth! The only thing left here is to learn this lesson. Ha, actually the situation may be worse, I mean even walls have ears...) By the way it's another reason for being extremely careful with your words especially among women) I prefer to keep my precious thoughts in the head and give vent to my feelings only at home)
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| strawberry | Date: Sunday, 01.04.2012, 23:53 | Message # 15 |
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| I think, somebody`ve heard about the serial "Gossipgirl". it`s most popular among young people. how do you think why? hm..Everybody,almost everybody, likes gossip, because they can`t find any deal for themselves or because thea are too shy& imperceptible like a grey mouse. you should remember-don`t trust anyone/everybody lies. why people blab? They just want to be useful. They want others looks funny or silly. These people are very often near us. They can be our best friends. they don`t want bad things for you. the problem is that they know much about you & can`t keep silence
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