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Silence in Family
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Wednesday, 10.11.2010, 09:28 | Message # 1 |
 Dean
Group: Admins
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| Hey, there! Just a strange thought fell on me the other night. Why do we often collapse into silence at home where your family are all there? What can the reason be? Is it destructive for the family? Are we stupid if we let it in? Or is it just a trifle thing to be shaken off the next morning? When was the last time you were silent? Why?
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| Nekavaen | Date: Sunday, 14.11.2010, 00:09 | Message # 2 |
 Head teacher
Group: Users
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| Yes, it's typical of my family... We just sit in one room together but say nothing and pay no attention to each other...
It usually happens in the evenings when everybody has just come home from work (or from the university) and is hungry, angry and completely exhausted. But then we have supper together, smile to each other and our mood improves! The rest of the evening is spent in a peaceful atmosphere and we share our emotions, problems, wishes.
Of course, there are situations when serious quarrels occur and it also makes us silent. But again, silence can be endless.
I think each person has some family problems and silence is not a destructive method when we try to solve them.
On the contrary, it gives us time to think about our behaviour, to imagine what others feel and to create an effective communication strategy, choose arguments we will use later. It's better to keep silent for a little while and calm down than to start fighting each other, insult your family members and then regret about it. So, silence can be a positive factor if we are thinking about how to solve a conflict.
But there are families where children and parents are not interested in their relatives' lives and dreams and that's why have NOTHING to discuss. They just don't care about communication and think it's not necessary. They are convinced that if everyone plays his or her own role (e.g. parents work and earn money, children go to school and play) it's quite enough for being a happy family. But we do need communication! Even if parents don't understand their children's tastes and wishes and children are tired of constant notations, it's still extremely important to avoid total silence. It only the first stage. Later, it can result in cold relationships and even the sense of alienation.
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
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| lovefootball) | Date: Sunday, 14.11.2010, 14:19 | Message # 3 |
 Dean
Group: Users
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| Silence can be different. On the one hand it seems rather natural that people after a tiring day need quietness. But at the same time we should keep in mind that the members of our family are the closest and dearest people for us! So maybe it's better to make an effort to change oppressiveness? If a family isn't worth it, I don't know what is then.
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| beymlina_julia | Date: Tuesday, 23.11.2010, 12:27 | Message # 4 |
 Student
Group: Users
Messages: 6
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| Hi, folk!
I do think silence in family is far more dangerous than we come to realize!
Chiefly, silence means mental screaming, watching family events unfold with horror and being too
oppressed to give your feelings a voice... Cheer up, guys!
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| lovefootball) | Date: Tuesday, 23.11.2010, 17:34 | Message # 5 |
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Dean
Group: Users
Messages: 662
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| Well, it's not always so dangerous. Of course, there can be placatory silence, when all is said and discussed, when nothing can violate the calm and when you feel harmony. I guess everyone dreams of such atmosphere at home but we should keep in mind that it requires patience, tact and sincerity. The same is true of any realtionships.
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| Asya | Date: Friday, 26.11.2010, 05:52 | Message # 6 |
 Union committee president
Group: Moders
Messages: 298
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| Frankly speaking, silence in my family is rather a miracle than a reality. Our flat somehow resembles a bumble-bee. It keeps buzzing all the time. Sometimes I even think it would be better to have complete silence because it's absolutely impossible to do my home assignments in such an atmosphere! Everybody has such interesting news to share (me, too, of course). Sometimes I think that if my family members didn't go to bed so early (about 9:30 PM), my homework would NEVER be done. 
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| lovefootball) | Date: Friday, 26.11.2010, 11:02 | Message # 7 |
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Dean
Group: Users
Messages: 662
Status: Offline
| Ha-ha, but don't you like it? When the lessons are finished, don't you anticipate pleasure from communication with your family members? They are beside you, eager to share their happiness, complain about the troubles and,of course, listen to you) That's so pleasant!
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| Rina | Date: Friday, 26.11.2010, 11:55 | Message # 8 |
 Union committee president
Group: Friends
Messages: 208
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| Quote (Asya) Frankly speaking, silence in my family is rather a miracle than a reality. Yes. The same situation))) sometimes it is necessary to rest a little bit, to enjoy silence, but.. everyone is talking, narrating smth a-la "The best today's story", chatting on the phone, watching TV, etc. Yes, it's undoubtedly energizing but sometimes you become fed up with this noise((( then.. go for a walk, alone)) it really helps)))
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| Ayayulia | Date: Sunday, 19.12.2010, 22:18 | Message # 9 |
 Union organizer
Group: Friends
Messages: 126
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| Silence in my family is impossible; everyone always has something to talk about. But this problem occurred when I was a teenager. I didn’t want to speak with them; I thought that they did not understand me and so on (of course it happened because of my ages). But my parents introduced a number of rules of behavior within the family circle: we should always have meals together at a particular time, we shouldn’t speak on the telephone while eating, TV set should be switched off and so on. And I think it really worked.
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| lovefootball) | Date: Monday, 20.12.2010, 20:36 | Message # 10 |
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Dean
Group: Users
Messages: 662
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| These rules made you more disciplined? How did they affect your relations? I mean that most young people don't like rules at all, especially in the family. They think that rules are another pressure. But I agree that it's a valid method.
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| Маруся | Date: Monday, 24.01.2011, 12:56 | Message # 11 |
 Monitor
Group: Users
Messages: 33
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| If there's silence in our home - it means only one thing - something happened or all are asleep.
I'm a poet by nature. I can talk non-stop.
Unfortunately, I can't talk non-stop in English, but I've an intention to do so.
Message edited by Маруся - Monday, 24.01.2011, 13:02 |
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| Vasilisa | Date: Wednesday, 18.04.2012, 01:35 | Message # 12 |
 Monitor
Group: Users
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| Family and silence. Ideally each member of family should share his emotions, thoughts, actions (good and bad) and problems with the others. But in reality there are many situations when it's better to keep silence. We can hurt our mother easily, for example, when we were at the party the day before and our behavior left much to be desired.
The question of silence also depends on parents. For example, my parents have their own life. And they think each person has a right to live how he wants. They will be interested in my problems only in this case if i ask them for help or advice. In our family it's like a tradition: if a pearson doesn't want to speak about something, noone will try to find out what the proplem is. But they like to discuss with me books which they have read, politics, world events and especially films. And i'm really pleased with it.
I think, the main things for family are love and respect. And material security, of course. Without the last point it's impossible to create a normal family.
Message edited by Vasilisa - Wednesday, 18.04.2012, 01:37 |
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Wednesday, 18.04.2012, 12:10 | Message # 13 |
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Dean
Group: Admins
Messages: 504
Status: Offline
| Quote (Vasilisa) noone will try to find out what the proplem is
Well, I hesitate to agree 
Parents are expected to be interested in their offsprings' feelings and emotions, failures and successes, ups or downs.
I think it's how a child learns to be caring and compassionate, respectful and loving, understanding and helpful.
Books, politics, and other exterior factors are good topics when the basic human instinct for love and protection is satisfied
Aren't I right?
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| Vasilisa | Date: Friday, 20.04.2012, 01:32 | Message # 14 |
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Monitor
Group: Users
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| Parents can be different. And children can be different. And relations between them can be also different. Nowadays there are families in which the basic human instinct for love and protection remain only "on paper", i mean it's just illusion. Modern lifestyle doesn't let many people think about something else except themselves. And i think that frequently for parents it's better not to know about all problems their children have.
There are exceptions, of course, for example: drugs and other dangerous illnesses.
Every child wants to have ideal parents, who will love him and understand but we live in reality which isn't ideal. And i know situations when children (who are already grown-ups) blame their parents for instructions and directions. These children can't forgive their parents, because the choice of their life didn't belong to them, but to their parents. Someone wanted to be an artist, but became a doctor. Other person wanted to create a family when he was 17, but his parents didn't aproove the girl whom he loved. And after all they married, but this person haven't been communicating with his parents for ten years already.
SO, i think, parents should give advice and try to understand and support their children, but not to control them. When children and parents begin to discuss problems which one of the participant doesn't want to speak about it always leads to negative emotions, quarrels appear and nothing good wiil be done.
In my family i'm sure that only i will choose my way of life. And there are such problems in MY life, which i don't want to tell my parents. I can discuss them with friends, with sisters or brothers, but not with my parents. And i'm sure my parents also have themes which they won't discuss with me. And it's quite all right . And I'm not going to overhear their secrets at the door indeed.
Message edited by Vasilisa - Friday, 20.04.2012, 02:02 |
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| Leo | Date: Monday, 23.04.2012, 00:14 | Message # 15 |
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Monitor
Group: Users
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| Hah......I thought to comment on it or not....I can not leave my dear friend. 
In general, it is clear that everything depends on people and their families. We do not have the right to judge parents and children who do not tell each other all. And we can not teach them. It is just their lifestyle. Certainly, it is desirable to be sincere (in reasonable extent)  .
For instance, me....I can not tell all the things that happen in my life, because I do not want my Mom or Dad (especially Mom) to be worried. I just know as it is how they are worried about me.
So, a man should not be so categorical. You can not really say what is better: to tell the truth or to hide it........
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