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When and how to build a family?
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Friday, 01.10.2010, 09:03 | Message # 16 |
 Dean
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| Folks, I have read your discussion and can't understand why you have narrowed the discussion only to the material side of. Well, Ayayulia has voices her moral and spiritual concerns. They are all common to all of us. A good family, I belive, starts with love. It's when you understand that you can't live seperately and together are ready to 'build and protect' your own stability, positive environment, jokes, traditions, cooking style, dressing style, attiutude to others, shopping culture, .... It is happiness. WHen you talk of bad habits of your future-to-be hubby/wife, what are saying actually. Does that habit kills the other good ones?
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| lovefootball) | Date: Friday, 01.10.2010, 20:19 | Message # 17 |
 Dean
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| We are talking about the material side because a lot of young couples live at their parents' expense.
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Saturday, 02.10.2010, 14:10 | Message # 18 |
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Dean
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| Evidently, this is not a ground to start talking of building a family. Nevertheless, the material side is so important that young people don't see beyond money. Unfortunately, if financial stability is the key factor for a decision to get married, a happy family life is an unattainable long-life venture. Love is the key for happiness. The other factors are accompaning features.
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| Teacher | Date: Saturday, 02.10.2010, 19:03 | Message # 19 |
 Head teacher
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| I think, if we speak only about material side of marriage, than we can say that to get married we must be sure that we have money for living, nothing more (no feelings, no interests, no understanding, only money  ).
In Vino Veritas...
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| lovefootball) | Date: Saturday, 02.10.2010, 22:16 | Message # 20 |
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Dean
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| Don't be so critical))) I don't say it's a determining factor, but still I'm absolutely sure that material security is very important.
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Monday, 04.10.2010, 10:23 | Message # 21 |
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Dean
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| Yes! Necessary! Important! Very! Start your own family and start building your family security together, right now, by working hard and being kind good people. Don't do it alone because when the time comes for two people to join two "securities", they have a lot of misconceptions about the 'rights'.
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| lovefootball) | Date: Monday, 04.10.2010, 17:56 | Message # 22 |
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Dean
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| I guess that's the problem for incredibly rich people, not for ordinary ones. Or I'm wrong?
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Tuesday, 05.10.2010, 13:18 | Message # 23 |
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Dean
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| I don't know. What I am saying is very simple. Stereotypically, I think that a happy family starts with a happy love! That's it. You can never plan love. You can never take a bank loan to buy love. If love means being together, living together, doing things together, watching TV together, doing extreme sports together, being sick together, ..... then what are we talking about? Go and arrange your wedding! if not, then these cultural norms are changing and we are becoming new people.
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| Nekavaen | Date: Thursday, 14.10.2010, 01:38 | Message # 24 |
 Head teacher
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| I’m not surprised that young people are really concerned about when and how to build a family. I think the most important thing here is to understand from the very beginning that there are no ideal families. Future husbands and wives should be ready to build their future happiness with their own hands. Of course, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I am not an expert in love matters (I don’t even know exactly what LOVE is and I can’t say for sure if it exists or not). All more or less stable unions that I know are based on friendship, not passion or sentimental feelings.
I think that in order to become a happy couple a man and a woman shouldn’t forget about the following:
1) respect for the spouse’s personality, interests, hobbies and views;
2) trust and care;
3) sense of responsibility towards the spouse and children;
4) helping each other;
5) spending as much time as possible together.
Maybe, I’ve forgotten something...
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Thursday, 14.10.2010, 08:51 | Message # 25 |
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Dean
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| I have read my thoughts in your words, Nekavaen. I would still add 'love'. We feel it. Especially when you knwo that you can't breathe or think or smile if your lover is not with you.
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| Nekavaen | Date: Thursday, 14.10.2010, 10:15 | Message # 26 |
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Head teacher
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| Well, Teacher, maybe some day I will feel the things you are talking about. But it's hardly possible. I think I'm too self-sufficient and proud to depend on somebody in such a way.
Maybe, my time to go through this hasn't come yet. Now I enjoy loneliness and limitless freedom of actions and thoughts.
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Thursday, 14.10.2010, 17:15 | Message # 27 |
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Dean
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| I have a gut feeling that you're misrepresenting yourself. yet I might be wrong, though. I am afraid I do not understand the word freedom when we talk of love or family life.
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| lovefootball) | Date: Thursday, 14.10.2010, 20:25 | Message # 28 |
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Dean
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| But love doesn't presuppose total dependence or restrict your freedom.
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| Nekavaen | Date: Thursday, 14.10.2010, 20:50 | Message # 29 |
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Head teacher
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| Lovefootball), if you think that true love exists and it can bring us happiness and satisfaction, you are an optimist. It's great and rare nowadays!
And I always become a total pessimist when it comes to discussing the relationships between people.
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Friday, 15.10.2010, 09:30 | Message # 30 |
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Dean
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| People, you seem to be discussing the things that you all need, want and wait for but at the same are runnung away from it all 
Independence must never live near love! It's nonsense. Love begins when you feel that you depend and your other one depends on you. This is so simple and natural like seeing a newly born baby feeding on the mother's breast. This dependence is a strong factor-thread of survival, physical and spiritual. Why should we break it up in search of independence which actually means in search of indifference and carelessness. 
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