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When and how to build a family?
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| Ayayulia | Date: Sunday, 17.10.2010, 23:41 | Message # 31 |
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| There are a number of people now who like to say something like “I am a personality. I want to earn myself and be absolutely independent. My husband (wife) must understand it”. For me it is silly (I’m sorry if I offend someone with such words). I think that relations exclude independence. You are not alone no more, you are always together. I do not affirm that a woman, for example, shouldn’t work, of course not! But if you spend 24-hours working, you can achieve independence, but love and relations… never.
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| lovefootball) | Date: Monday, 18.10.2010, 19:13 | Message # 32 |
 Dean
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| Agree, I don't take that as dependence, it's just another form of life, another step, I may say.
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| TomatVSMushi | Date: Monday, 18.10.2010, 21:10 | Message # 33 |
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| I believe that the problem of building a family and the problem of genders in general is a very hot-button issue. Most of us grew up reading magical fairytales about a beautiful princess and a brave prince who in the end of the book get married and live happily ever after. So… what happens after the marriage? I mean what would happen if the princess suddenly learned that her beloved… snores, or he likes to throw his socks around the castle and every Friday he goes to his buddies – other kings – to discuss kingdom matters, leaving the princess behind with children and a ton of housework. We learn a lot from these books, but nothing tells us what a great job it is – to be married, we have to experience it ourselves.
I think that respect and support are very important in marriage. I mean girls should understand that fishing is just a part of a man’s life and so is shopping for giggling girl friends. Don’t forget about Trust! Friendship! Communication! A couple should accept and understand each other.
I believe a marriage is HARD WORK, for which one must be emotionally prepared. It’s just sad when someone get’s married only because all his\her friends did.
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| 8davids8 | Date: Monday, 18.10.2010, 21:33 | Message # 34 |
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| Many proper things were said, by the way. It looks like a post that would be a great end for this topic, like a sensible and reasonoble end.
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| Nekavaen | Date: Monday, 18.10.2010, 21:40 | Message # 35 |
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| Yes, the words above are really sensible and wise!
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
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| Teacher | Date: Tuesday, 19.10.2010, 11:35 | Message # 36 |
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| Quote (TomatVSMushi) Don’t forget about Trust! Friendship! Communication!
Where is love? All these things are nothing more than just a features of friendship.
In Vino Veritas...
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| Nekavaen | Date: Tuesday, 19.10.2010, 11:40 | Message # 37 |
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| Seagul, don't you think that sometimes stable and happy family relationships of a man and a woman can be based on friendship, not love?
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
Message edited by Nekavaen - Tuesday, 19.10.2010, 12:08 |
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| TomatVSMushi | Date: Tuesday, 19.10.2010, 12:13 | Message # 38 |
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| Seagull, love is a very nice thing... but firstly, there are people who never experienced love for real and secondly I doubt that if you, let’s say, forgot to pick up the kids from school, your wife will just hear out your words of love and forgive you. Love means nothing when it comes to dissatisfaction, lies, misunderstandings. I'm trying to say that getting married because of love is fantastic! But you can’t keep the marriage going on love alone.
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| Ayayulia | Date: Tuesday, 19.10.2010, 13:11 | Message # 39 |
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| I agree with TomatVSMushi that some people read too much fairy tales in their childhood. The result is the following: a girl, for example, waits for her brave prince, who MUST look like Edvard Cullen, have a castle, but flat in the city centre is also OK, with a white horse, but white Mercedes is more preferable and so on. And why don’t they dream about the husband, who will love children, will be a reliable person, devoted to the family?
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| lovefootball) | Date: Tuesday, 19.10.2010, 18:26 | Message # 40 |
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Dean
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| So, the conclusion is that we shouldn't be in the clouds as far as a happy union is concerned. I guess, everything has both material and spiritual sides.
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| Teacher | Date: Wednesday, 20.10.2010, 13:51 | Message # 41 |
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| Quote (Nekavaen) Seagul, don't you think that sometimes stable and happy family relationships of a man and a woman can be based on friendship, not love?
Well, I don't think that friendship can lead to children. Quote (TomatVSMushi) But you can’t keep the marriage going on love alone.
I agree. Besides love there must be common interests and views on life. Ayayulia, people read wrong fairy tales. Girls wait for princes having castles and white horses differ from those who wait for Cullens having flats in the center of a city and Mercedeses. The first kind of girls are romantic, and the second are just feather-bedded. By the way, Edward is not the only sex-symbol nowadays.
In Vino Veritas...
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| Nekavaen | Date: Thursday, 21.10.2010, 09:29 | Message # 42 |
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| Seagull, friendship can be different...
Sometimes it can become a more complicated, valuable and stable thing than love. You are right about fairy tales. And I think it's a pity that our life is often cruel to those who take a rose-colored view of the world and romantic girls (who are certainly better than greedy millionaire hunters) are more likely to become unhappy. They are often too naive and trustful.
Romantic girls are waiting for real, great, deep, serious, long relationships. And most of them really don't care at all about their future boyfriend's appearance and income. But is it possible to find a kind, noble, adequate, industrious husband nowadays?
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Thursday, 21.10.2010, 10:55 | Message # 43 |
 Dean
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| Quote (TomatVSMushi) I'm trying to say that getting married because of love is fantastic! But you can’t keep the marriage going on love alone.
Right, one addition, though. It is the foundation, the basis, the main value. All the rest will be built upon. If you turn it upside down, you get dissatisfaction, disappointment, lots of or few material possessions but no love, no care, no longing to speak and breathe together...
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| Teacher | Date: Thursday, 21.10.2010, 11:09 | Message # 44 |
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| Quote (Nekavaen) Seagull, friendship can be different...
Sometimes it can become a more complicated, valuable and stable thing than love.
Yes, it can, but I still have my own point of view. Friendship can be more stable, valuable and complicated than love, but it never can be love, never can substitute it. Quote (Nekavaen) But is it possible to find a kind, noble, adequate, industrious husband nowadays?
Everything is possible nowadays. But don't forget, that a kind, noble, adequate, industrious husband is probably waiting for a wife of such a kind.
In Vino Veritas...
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| Nekavaen | Date: Thursday, 21.10.2010, 22:43 | Message # 45 |
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Head teacher
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| YES! It is so! But the main problem is that, as a rule, opposites attract! So serious and noble guys often fall in love with girls who don't want to study and work, become ne'er-do-well mothers and wives. And romantic, clever and thrifty girls like "bad boys"...
Of course there are exceptions as all rules are made to be broken! But such families can be counted on the fingers of one hand!
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
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