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When and how to build a family?
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Friday, 22.10.2010, 09:48 | Message # 46 |
 Dean
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| I see what you mean, Nekavaen. I am sorry to say but this is all stereotypical thinking. Opposites attract - yes, physical and social opposites lead to a wish to be together physically, socially, psychologically, mentally, spiritually, financially, economically, or religiously, or politically, or intellectually.... All of this under different names will lead to one thing - LOVE. Just when you can't be seperate. One happy two-sided unity - You and Yours!
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| lovefootball) | Date: Friday, 22.10.2010, 20:41 | Message # 47 |
 Dean
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| To tell the truth, I don't believe that extremes meet. Even if they do, it doesn't last long and it's not the best basis for a marriage, I think.
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| Nekavaen | Date: Friday, 22.10.2010, 21:27 | Message # 48 |
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| Well, an attitude to the problem of marriage and relationships between men and women depends on one's personal life experience, I think. As for me, 80% of all family unions I've observed till the present moment consisted of completely different people.
Of course, I didn’t want to rediscover America to anyone when I said that “opposites attract”. I know that this phrase is banal, trivial and is regarded as a stereotype nowadays. But I’m convinced that it really works very often.
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Saturday, 23.10.2010, 10:26 | Message # 49 |
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Dean
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| Quote (Nekavaen) I know that this phrase is banal, trivial and is regarded as a stereotype nowadays. But I’m convinced that it really works very often.
Opposites attract - this phrase is not a stereotype. You are right. I will still call it a psychological pattern, a certain inborn code for one's lifejourney. When the code is broken or harrassed or changed with no pre-history, we tend to lose orientation, feel overturned, spiritually disarmed and vulnerable. We are attacked and invaded. But the code is there, that's why we feel depressed or in despair when it is bomabarded with hatred, envy, sins, humiliation, egoism, meanness and turpitude, and the like. It is like a clean newly born planet that has been rapidly liitered by humanity.
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| lovefootball) | Date: Saturday, 23.10.2010, 21:59 | Message # 50 |
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Dean
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| But isn't this attraction just passion? I can't imagine a happy family based on people whose views are polar. Of course, I don't mean partners should be the perfect copies of each other, it's just imposssible and unnecessary. But they should be on the same level at least. I mean upbringing, education,social status, values.
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| Teacher | Date: Sunday, 24.10.2010, 00:10 | Message # 51 |
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| lovefootball), actually, I can agree only with values. Because other things mentioned are not so important.
In Vino Veritas...
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| Nekavaen | Date: Sunday, 24.10.2010, 16:43 | Message # 52 |
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| Really? But can then two people with different social status, educational background and upbringing have the same values? I mean, all things mentioned by Lovefootball are important and effect each other. If a man and a woman have different life experience (including origin, education, relationships with relatives and friends) their values are more likely to differ greatly. 
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
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| lovefootball) | Date: Sunday, 24.10.2010, 20:09 | Message # 53 |
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Dean
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| Seagull, does it mean that you believe in fairy tales about Cinderella and the prince? Do you think people of different social statuses fit together?
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| Teacher | Date: Monday, 25.10.2010, 01:54 | Message # 54 |
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| I don't believe in fairy tales. Yes, people of different social statuses can be together. If they have mutual understanding and readiness to accept each other's point of view.
In Vino Veritas...
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Monday, 25.10.2010, 09:31 | Message # 55 |
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Dean
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| ......Folks, it is not that complicated as you imagine. I mentioned a lot of 'great' notions but they are reflections of very simple earthly needs and wants.
Quote (lovefootball)) But isn't this attraction just passion? I can't imagine a happy family based on people whose views are polar.
Yes, dear lovefootball). A thousand times YES. Passion is the driving force. It is a good thing. It is a great thing. No love can live without it. It is the start. Passion changes with time, because a person changes every day, month, year. Passion grows in meaning and starts to have different avatars - now it is care, now it is desire to travel together, now it is a conflict about the sick child, now it is a pride for being able to win bread for tha family or be the tenderest woman in the world, now it is advice, support, wisdom, now it is a good vegetable soup or a good expensive piece of jewellery, .... So many faces, so many meanings that were born by passion and maintained by love.
Well, this is not about experience... This is about your life journey...
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| lovefootball) | Date: Monday, 25.10.2010, 19:26 | Message # 56 |
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Dean
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| Actually, I agree with you but the point is that in my perception of family the thing you've described is not passion but understanding and comfort. I mean something deeper. Maybe I just take the word "passion" wrong. I agree that it may be the driving force but I don't think it's a basis.
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| Teacher | Date: Monday, 25.10.2010, 20:30 | Message # 57 |
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| lovefootball), love is basis, I think, and passion is a "reaction catalyst".
In Vino Veritas...
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| Nekavaen | Date: Monday, 25.10.2010, 22:32 | Message # 58 |
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| I would like to discuss the following problem (yes, for me it's a GREAT PROBLEM): when it comes to building up a family parents are often more concerned about it than we, youngsters. Of course, they are much wiser, they can give really valuable advice and so we must respect and obey them.
But there are extreme situations. You know, for example, that there are crazy fathers and mothers who watch every step of their child and try to prevent him or her from dating with a boy or a girl who is not "suitable" from their point of view. Maybe, they think they are right, maybe, they want to help... But it can lead to a tragedy... It can ruin the life of a young boy and girl who is not strong willed and confident enough to rebel...
So, do you think parents have a right to decide who we should marry?
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Tuesday, 26.10.2010, 10:43 | Message # 59 |
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Dean
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| Quote (Nekavaen) So, do you think parents have a right to decide who we should marry? Never, they can advise but never decide. These times passed long ago.
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| lovefootball) | Date: Tuesday, 26.10.2010, 12:42 | Message # 60 |
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Dean
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| By the way, were those times so bad? There were fewer divorces than now. And what about Oriental customs? They have followed such a pattern for centuries and had in every sense happy families.
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