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When and how to build a family?
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| lovefootball) | Date: Wednesday, 08.12.2010, 20:53 | Message # 76 |
 Dean
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| Agree, but unfortunately this stereotype is typical of the Russians. I don't know why, maybe,our history shows itself in such a way? I mean people in our country have passed through hard times and now they have a subconscious fear of being absolutely alone with no one to help and support them.
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Thursday, 09.12.2010, 15:41 | Message # 77 |
 Dean
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| Your thoughts about the social reasons for marriage echo mine. Explanations can go as far as our minds can see. Yet, when a man and a woman are together, life is more generous. Marriages are different, happy and unhappy ones. It's bad that there is no single recipe for a happy unity of two.
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| lovefootball) | Date: Thursday, 09.12.2010, 19:32 | Message # 78 |
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Dean
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| Maybe, it is not so bad, who knows. Such a recipe would be the easiest way out) But I agree that it's absolutely pointless to stand against nature. I mean it's a fact that we can't live alone. Separating ourselves from feelings, we should admit that it's easier and more convenient to have a partner. But of course, it's just ONE of the aspects.
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| Megastarosta | Date: Friday, 17.12.2010, 11:47 | Message # 79 |
 Union organizer
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| One recommendation for young people who cant wait for building a family: there is no rush in it. Today I heard the opinion of one of my group-mates in Art School, she is only 15, that she doesn't want to celebrate New Year with her family, she wants to do it with her NEW boyfriend and they decided to live together. Let us see what will happen next: time will pass and they will live together, the routine will kill their romantic and tender relationships because they began their "adult" life very early. As the result they wont be together anymore. So, that means that while you study at school you are a child and you SHOULD live in your family with your mother and fatherб otherwise you wont have any childhood and this time finishes very fast
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| lovefootball) | Date: Friday, 17.12.2010, 12:10 | Message # 80 |
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Dean
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| You've described one of the "best" results, I should say! I guess she is more likeky to
get pregnant, split up with her boyfriend, have an abortion and get psychic ( and maybe even physical) trauma for all her life. But to tell the truth, I'm practically sure that her parents will hold her from this rash act.
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| Cherry_boom | Date: Thursday, 20.01.2011, 19:09 | Message # 81 |
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Student
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| It's bad to begin an "adult" life very early. But we have a tendency of being "old boys and girls" when young people are afraid of being responsible and making decisions (especially getting married). Being 25-30 years old they behave like teenagers.
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Friday, 21.01.2011, 09:04 | Message # 82 |
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Dean
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| Quote (Cherry_boom) Being 25-30 years old they behave like teenagers.
What do you mean? Are there really such 25-30-year-old people who are unable to take decisions?
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| Nekavaen | Date: Friday, 21.01.2011, 12:40 | Message # 83 |
 Head teacher
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| Well, I know people who are 60 years old and aren’t ready for making serious decisions (including getting married) by themselves. Maybe, it’s because they are used to relying on their relatives and friends in everything and don’t want or are just afraid of being responsible for taking care of somebody else. I’m sure that a person should get married only if he or she really dreams of it; if he or she thinks that marriage is essential and was invented many centuries ago not just for fun; if he or she is tired of loneliness and can perform thefunction of a parent and serve the society by doing this.
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
Message edited by Nekavaen - Friday, 21.01.2011, 12:43 |
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| Former-Teacher | Date: Tuesday, 25.01.2011, 18:13 | Message # 84 |
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Dean
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| So, do you believe in marriage life? I have looked through some of the posts on Dave's ESL Cafe at http://forums.eslcafe.com/student/viewtopic.php?t=23830. It was interesting for me to learn about so many different views on marriage and, most importantly, to understand views of people from other cultural backgrounds. Find time to go there.
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| lovefootball) | Date: Wednesday, 26.01.2011, 11:14 | Message # 85 |
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Dean
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| Well, their views,speculations fears don't differ much from ours. They don't have any definite opinion and I've arrived at an idea that most people have rather vague ideas concerning marriage. Even their parents' example isn't enough for them. Of course, one should find his/her own way in life but I don't know why a lot of people try to re-invent the wheel.
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| Nekavaen | Date: Wednesday, 26.01.2011, 12:41 | Message # 86 |
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Head teacher
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| I’ve read the opinions expressed on that forum. I had a good chance to see that people all around the world have to face the same problems. My attitude to marriage is close to that of a Chinese woman “Red Rose” who thinks that marriage is not obligatory and one can be happy alone. And I can easily understand her negative attitude to constant pressure from relatives and friends. I know what it is because I’m under this pressure right now! It’s so stupid and irritating! I believe that people can be happy in marriage but not all of us.
Firstly, there are people who are really happy alone. They just devote their lives completely to something else: work, hobbies, art, etc. It’s not so bad.
I don’t need my own family and my own children because I already have a lot of relatives and I always have little cousins to nurse. I’m busy with my studies and have friends (there are males among them, I don’t hate all men) who give me support and care. Secondly, there are people who want to start a family but are not suitable for having one. They are eager to get married, they want children (or most often just say so) and want to have a spouse who will always be near and will always support and take care. But they are not ready to give caress and support in turn. They think their habits, hobbies, style, friends are perfect and don’t want to change them if a spouse asks (I mean cases when these things and people become an obstacle for normal family life, for example, when a person smokes near the kid’s crib or invites a gang of alcoholics home). But they criticize the spouse’s family, friends, work, behavior and do nothing about the house. When the spouse get’s tired and offers to divorce such a person becomes astonished and sad and promises to change. Promises stay only promises… Of course, I understand that some people don’t want to get married or are eager to start a family life but can’t find a proper partner because of inner complexes or other deep psychological problems. It’s a common situation when a girl or a boy sees how unhappy her or his parents are, how they quarrel everyday and blame each other saying: “I hate you. You’ve ruined my life. I can’t understand why I’ve spend the best years of my life with you. You appreciate nothing.” When this person grows up, he or she is afraid that the same situation awaits him of her and chooses a single life.
Some people are pretty, clever and are capable of fulfilling all household duties but are too shy to search a future spouse and seldom go out. It’s also a great problem. By the way, we’ve been discussing marriage only in the form that’s traditional for our society. What do you think of polygamy or polyandry?
I think polyandry is strange and unnatural; but polygamy is accepted in many countries and millions of people (according to their cultural and religious traditions) see nothing blameworthy in it. Neither do I (but only if all wives have achieved the proper age and agree to this voluntarily).
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
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| lovefootball) | Date: Friday, 28.01.2011, 19:08 | Message # 87 |
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Dean
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| Unfortunately, in our country it is customary to give up for lost young girls who aren't married yet. People just can't understand that young women want to develop and find their own place in life. But self-improvement is extremly important! I'm all for marriages but I'm against rash acts! Though I'm very conservative, I agree that everyone has his/her own destiny and if one isn't mature enough or finds happiness in something else, why not? We have the right to live as we like. But still I don't approve of irregular and non-committal relations. I think they create an ill atmosphere and set a bad example for children.
As far as polygamy is concerned, I perceive it just as one of Oriental traditions, so for me it's not applicable to real life.
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| MissJane | Date: Sunday, 06.02.2011, 14:46 | Message # 88 |
 Union organizer
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| Ha, look, I think that's the most doltish opinion I've ever heard (found at Dave's ESL Cafe site):
"How can people believe in marriage when there's no need for this? Haha why should we get married, children etc will only be financial expenses.
This generation belongs to us young men, and we want fun". Fun? Good! Go and get your fun on your own! And don't ask your parents (who have committed a great mistake by getting married and giving birth to you, young man) for money to get this fun.
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| lovefootball) | Date: Monday, 07.02.2011, 20:03 | Message # 89 |
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Dean
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| Gosh! Youth will flit away like a wonderful butterfly in a moment and one can just be left looking a fool. Time is priceless and besides such a genereation may simply die out. We shouldn't take this opinion too seriously just because the person who has expressed it has a lot of complicated complexes. And what is more important, it isn't the majority opinion.
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| Nekavaen | Date: Tuesday, 19.04.2011, 12:14 | Message # 90 |
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Head teacher
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| Maybe, he’s still very young and isn’t ready for serious relationships. I hope sooner or later the guy you're talking about will grow up and find a hobby that is more praiseworthy and adequate than “cheating small defenseless girls”. Added (19.04.2011, 12:14)
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BTW, it may seem funny to some people who have traditional views on family life, but there are those who think marriage is a kind of bargain and that’s why it should be based first of all on financial partnership. Two “businesspeople” work and bring income to the family, then decide how to spend the income, make a plan of investments and think about how to earn more. I wonder: who are their children then? Products? Potential employees? 
It is not human to be without shame and without desire. (Ursula K. Le Guin)
Message edited by Nekavaen - Monday, 07.02.2011, 23:49 |
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