Though related, self-acceptance is not the same as self-esteem. Whereas self-esteem refers specifically to how valuable, or worthwhile, we see ourselves, self-acceptance hints at a far more global affirmation of self. When we're self-accepting, we're able to embrace all facets of ourselves - not just the positive, more "esteem-able" parts. As such, self-acceptance is unconditional, free of all qualification. We can recognize our weaknesses, limitations and faults, but this awareness doesn't interfere with our ability to fully accept ourselves. Similar to our experiencing self-esteem, as children we're able to accept ourselves only to the degree we feel accepted by our parents. Research has demonstrated that before the age of eight, we lack the ability to formulate a clear, separate sense of self - that is, other than what has been communicated to us by our caretakers. So if our parents are unable, or unwilling, to transmit the message that we're totally okay and acceptable - independent, that is, of our hard-to-control, sometimes errant behaviors (which, understandably, may frustrate or disappoint them) - we're primed to view ourselves with ambivalence. The positive regard we receive from our parents may depend almost totally on our behavior, and we unfortunately learn that a considerable number of these behaviors are parentally unacceptable. So, naturally identifying ourselves with these objectionable behaviors, we inevitably come to see ourselves as in many ways unacceptable. Additionally, parental evaluation can, and frequently does, go far beyond individual behaviors. For example, parents may give us the more general message that we're selfish-or that we're not thin enough, smart enough, attractive enough, good enough, "nice" enough, and so on. As a result of what most mental health professionals would agree represents a subtle form of emotional abuse, almost all of us come to regard ourselves as only partially - or conditionally - acceptable. In consequence, we learn to regard many aspects of our self negatively, painfully internalizing the felt rejection we too often felt at the hands of over-critical parents. And this tendency toward self-criticism is at the heart of most of the problems we unwittingly create for ourselves as adults. As Robert Holden puts it in his book Happiness Now! "Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance you have, the more happiness you'll allow yourself to accept, receive and enjoy. In other words, you enjoy as much happiness as you believe you're worthy of [emphasis added]." The famous French expression, Tout comprendre, c'est tout excuser (literally, "to understand all is to pardon all") is a dictum that we ought to apply at least as much to ourselves as others. For the more we can grasp just why in the past we were compelled to act in a particular way, the more likely we'll be able both to forgive ourselves for this behavior and avoid repeating it in the future.
And what if one accepts himself with all his drawbacks and then simply rests content with what has been done? There are such people and they have one excuse for everything,"I can't be changed. You have to accept me." So, one shouldn't forget about trying to improve onself. And in reference to a learning process I should say that it really can make a person happy! The main thing here is to find your expression in it.
I hope that you have experienced this philosophy in your English classes. As a teacher I always plan and conduct lessons with a view towards raising self-esteem and self-acceptance. Self-esteem doesn't mean selfishness or personal pride. When I work with my students, I always keep it in mind that they have got their own personal priorities and intellectual needs, human curiosity and a desire to grow and develop. In other words, a lesson is a session of self-satisfying cognitive and mental activity. A learning process should make a person happy. Do you think it's possible?
"You enjoy as much happiness as you believe you're worthy of"...as for me, it is quite an arguable statement, because sometimes it doesn't work at all. And I wouldn't claim that happiness and self-acceptance always go hand in hand. I think all of us know a few people who are aware of all their drawbacks and merits, they have an adequate self-esteem and live in harmony with themselves, but still they are not satisfied with what they have achieved in life, so they are unhappy. I don't say that it's a universal truth, but it happens more or less often, unfortunately.
